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10 Best Lawyer JokesHere are a few lawyer jokes that are sure to have you banging your gavel. The Charity Case One day, the fundraising manager of a local childrens charity was taking a look over his list of contributors when he suddenly realized that the towns most successful lawyer, Mr. John G. Goldhammer, had never made a donation to their charity. The manager immediately picks up the phone book and dials Mr. Goldhammers office. The secretary answers the call and transfers her to his office. Good afternoon Mr. Goldhammer, my name is Patricia Townsend and I am calling on behalf of the Carlston Childrens charity. Our records show that your annual income is at least $900,000 and you are one of the most successful lawyers in Carlston. Would you like to make a contribution to the community by donating to our charity? The lawyer thought about this for a second and said Did your research also tell you that my mother is dying of cancer and her medical bills are in the six digits every year? Patricia, shocked to hear such news, could find nothing to say. Wellno The lawyer continued Did your research also show that my brother, a Vietnam veteran is blind and crippled below the waist? Patricia felt horrible and immediately began to apologize Im terribly sorry Mr. Goldhammer, we had no The lawyer interrupted her for the last time I have not given a penny to either of them, so what makes you believe that I would give any to you? Rich men dont go to jail A high-level employee of a large banking corporation had been caught embezzling millions of the companys money. The lawyer, extremely worried and filled with anxiety, goes to his lawyer looking for a defense to his case. His lawyer comforted him by saying Dont worry, with all that money you will never have to go to jail. The lawyer was correct. After months of trials, the man was sentenced to 20 years in prison and he was not left with one penny. Lawyers in the wild Two lawyers went on a hunting trip in the mountains. They came upon a set of tracks and the first lawyer immediately claimed them to be elk tracks. The second lawyer vehemently disagreed with his colleague, pronouncing that they were in fact moose tracks. Unfortunately, the two were still arguing when the train hit them. Payment plan A lawyer returns a phone call to Mr. Griswold of Griswold Auto World to explain to him his firms fee schedule. Okay, Mr. Griswold, considering the trials should last at least a year, our payment plan is $3000 down and $395.95 per month for the next 12 months. At this statement, Mr. Griswold answered Thats strange, why it sounds just like a car payment plan. Youre quite right sir, its mine. Skills of persuasion A lawyer wins the case for his client. The client is acquitted of Grand Theft Auto. Out of curiosity, the lawyer asks his client after the trial Now that you cant go to jail, will you tell me? Did you really steal the car? The client, looking a bit confused answered After hearing your argument in there, Im beginning to think I didnt Pension plan John recently inherited the family law firm from his father. At the end of the first week, he visits his father in his country home and at dinner opens a bottle of champagne he brought. Whats the champagne for? asked his father. His son, unable to keep the exciting news any longer, says Well dad, you remember that old McCalister suit? I finally settled it yesterday! Upon hearing the news, his father was furious. You idiot! Weve been living off of that case for the last 7 years! First impressions A lawyer who had recently opened his own law firm wanted badly to impress his first client. As the young lawyer saw a man walking through the door of his office, he immediately picks up his phone and speaks into it My sincere apologies, but our workload is so high at the moment that we will not be able to handle your case for another 2-3 weeks. After hanging up the phone, he turns to the man and smilingly asks Good afternoon, what can I do for you? The man, looking nonchalant and a bit confused, says Uh, nothing, Im just here to hook up your phone. Criminal Background check A lawyer was taking a vacation to the Philippines and had to fill out an application for a Visa. When approached with the question Have you ever been arrested and/or charged with a serious crime? The lawyer checked the box for no. Not realizing that the following question Why? was reserved only for those who answered yes to the prior, the lawyer wrote Never got caught. A friends funeral A prominent city councilman had died from a heart attack. A lawyer, a used car salesman, and an I-banker, all close friends of the councilman, stood beside his coffin during his funeral. The I-banker says Where I come from, it is a tradition to give the dead some money for him to spend in the after life. The other two quickly agreed to join in on the ritual. The I-banker took a hundred dollar bill from his wallet and dropped it into the coffin. The used car salesman took a fifty from his money clip and placed it upon the body of his old friend. Finally, after the other two have walked off, the lawyer walks up, takes both bills, and pockets them. Taking out a checkbook, he writes his deceased friend a check for $250. True lawyer excerpts from the Salt Lake Tribune ·Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? · Q: What happened then? · Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? · Q: She had three children, right? · Were you alone or by yourself? · Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
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